I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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