I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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