the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
what day is it and did you see me today?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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