you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
