For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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