is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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