shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
