Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
