A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
