we're chasing vodka with high fives
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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