i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
