I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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