Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
