just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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