we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize