This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's blow job season.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
