shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
