I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
