Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
