He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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