Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
