So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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