So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
