Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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