these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i need some magic done to my vagina
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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