I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Houston, we have a squirter
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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