I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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