I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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