I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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