Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
