You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
