youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
