Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
