I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
