Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
