well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
