I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
What drink are we having for lunch?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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