Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
