I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
