I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
