You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
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I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
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I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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