I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
