maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
