we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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