I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
