garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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