Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
