Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
