I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
