every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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