I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
