Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
