Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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