you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
