somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize