Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
