ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
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I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
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Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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