A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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