She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize