I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.