Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I can't turn off my feet"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
