My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
