All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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